547 Days
I am sober. Today marks 547 days of no alcohol. 1.5 years of telling people that I’ve quit drinking, yet I still sometimes struggle with it. How do I phrase it in a way that doesn’t prompt questions? Even if someone doesn’t automatically ask “why did you stop drinking? Did you have a problem?” The question can be easily seen in their eyes. They question my past and my character. Maybe I should just say I don’t drink, but sometimes that feels like a lie. I choose not to drink everyday. There is a version of me that wants people to know that I understand the pull of alcohol. That I had excellent taste in wine. That I could hold my own. I would have been their go to drinking buddy in another life. I would be the one staying out late with them just to close down the bar. Maybe it’s because it was something I used to be proud of. Now I’m seeing with clearer eyes. Seeing that I can be so much more without alcohol.
There is this quote in the book The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It states, “Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.” I lived and breathed this quote for my first 6 months of not drinking. This quote blew my mind and opened my eyes. Alcohol is so incredibly normalized and sobriety is stigmatized. Drinking is so ingrained in our society, but alcohol is a drug. As a nurse I’ve seen the negative effects of long term use of alcohol. I’ll just say, it’s not pretty. I’m not here to lecture about drinking. I do believe everything in moderation. I just used to struggle with the moderation part! I'm here to remind you that it’s okay to say no to drinking. To let you know that it’s okay to struggle with it sometimes. It is a decision that is made everyday. My new trick to make healthier decisions is to ask “would the version of you that you want to become make this decision?” Sometimes my lazy self wins out, but most of the time I stick true to self improvement. I’m pretty happy with my decision to remove alcohol from my lifestyle even if I still feel awkward telling people I don’t drink. Maybe it’ll get easier? Maybe it won’t. It’s all part of the journey my friends. ✌️
