The cities I’ve lived in and the lessons I’ve learned

Boston will always be number one in my heart. Whenever asked, “what is your favorite city?” My automatic response is Boston. I’m unsure if it the masshole attitude I grew up with, but no city can beat Boston in my mind. It is my home city. It carries so many memories and even some of my secrets. It is the city that I grew up in. I lived in or around Boston for most of my twenties. I never had any intention of leaving. Yet, as I was inching closer to my thirties, I found myself getting restless and honestly a little reckless. It was time to make some changes. Maybe even time to grow up a little bit. It was time to break through the constraints and the limits I put on myself. I love Boston, but I also realized I needed to leave in order to grow and to become a better version of myself. The version I could be proud of and even like.

Raleigh was my first stop in my travel nursing career It was the first time I lived further than an hour away from my family. I had one of my best friends living in Durham and an aunt that lived 30 mins from Raleigh, so I had a built-in safety net. It was an easy start to my adventures.

Raleigh taught me many things. It taught me that my immediate family will always remain close to me even with the distance. They are my heart. It also showed me that I have another family. My friends are my chosen family. 

While in North Carolina, I asked myself “ What does Emily want?” I refused to lean into my usual “What will make everyone else happy?” I removed myself from my community because I had developed the habit of put everyone else's opinion above my own. Taking a step away, I realized that the people that love me the most only cared if I was happy. I still struggled with the guilt of moving away. Sometimes feeling like picking myself meant I was not a good daughter, sister, aunt or friend. Sometimes I still struggle with this and I think that’s okay.

I also got sober. I don’t define myself as an alcoholic, but I know my relationship with alcohol was not healthy. As nurses, many of us like to have a few drinks after work. Or many drinks on our days off. I was slowly becoming someone I no longer wanted to be. The girl that would always be down for another drink or the one that had to be last to leave. The girl that was thinking about her next drink before she took a sip of the drink she had in front of her. I was turning 30 and it was time to change.

In this new city, I also had a chance to explore my sexuality. There was no pressure because I didn’t know anyone and at the end of my six months I knew I would be gone.  While some of my friends have already told me that they already knew; I discovered that I am bi-sexual. I also realized that I don’t want to have kids of my own. I love being an aunt. I currently enjoy being single even though I do occasionally seek outside validation through dating apps. 

Raleigh was about self discovery. There is much more growth to be had, but this was the start. It gave me the chance to listen to what I actually wanted.

Phoenix was my second city in my travel nurse career. I didn’t know a soul there. The closest person I knew lived in San Diego. At 30 years old, I was nervous to move so far from home. Sometimes I think I’m late to the game. That most people traveled in their twenties and I still feel like I have seen so little of the world. So I decided to change that! I’m making moves! Literally! Phoenix was the city where I learned to pick myself. I let go of the idea that putting yourself first means you’re selfish. I even tried to let go of my people pleasing tendencies and I learned to set boundaries. I came to the realization that I treat others really well and maybe it was time to start treating myself the same way. It was time to start loving myself.

I found a community in Phoenix. I met amazing women that also had goals of rebuilding and healing. Oddly enough, most of them were originally from New England. Maybe we gravitated towards each other based on our northern attitude. Maybe we saw that we were on parallel journeys and it was just simply nice to have company and mutual encouragement. Either way, I’m grateful to have them in my life. I created wonderful memories in this city and I know that this chapter in my life is not yet over. I miss Arizona and her sunsets. I hope to be back soon.