547 Days

I am sober. Today marks 547 days of no alcohol. 1.5 years of telling people that I’ve quit drinking, yet I still sometimes struggle with it. How do I phrase it in a way that doesn’t prompt questions? Even if someone doesn’t automatically ask “why did you stop drinking? Did you have a problem?” The question can be easily seen in their eyes. They question my past and my character. Maybe I should just say I don’t drink, but sometimes that feels like a lie. I choose not to drink everyday. There is a version of me that wants people to know that I understand the pull of alcohol. That I had excellent taste in wine. That I could hold my own. I would have been their go to drinking buddy in another life. I would be the one staying out late with them just to close down the bar. Maybe it’s because it was something I used to be proud of. Now I’m seeing with clearer eyes. Seeing that I can be so much more without alcohol. 

There is this quote in the book The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It states, “Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.” I lived and breathed this quote for my first 6 months of not drinking. This quote blew my mind and opened my eyes. Alcohol is so incredibly normalized and sobriety is stigmatized. Drinking is so ingrained in our society, but alcohol is a drug. As a nurse I’ve seen the negative effects of long term use of alcohol. I’ll just say, it’s not pretty. I’m not here to lecture about drinking. I do believe everything in moderation. I just used to struggle with the moderation part! I'm here to remind you that it’s okay to say no to drinking. To let you know that it’s okay to struggle with it sometimes. It is a decision that is made everyday. My new trick to make healthier decisions is to ask “would the version of you that you want to become make this decision?” Sometimes my lazy self wins out, but most of the time I stick true to self improvement. I’m pretty happy with my decision to remove alcohol from my lifestyle even if I still feel awkward telling people I don’t drink. Maybe it’ll get easier? Maybe it won’t. It’s all part of the journey my friends. ✌️

Should I stay or should I go?!

Friday afternoon, I was asked if I was interested in staying in Seattle for another contract by my recruiter (3 more months, which will put me here until December). It made me take a step back and really think if I could be happy in this new city for essentially half a year. I had absolutely no clue. It felt way too soon to make that decision and it was overwhelming to think that far ahead. I know that in itself sounds ridiculous. You’re probably thinking, “Emily, that is in two short months and it is time to decide.” Changing cities and travel has made my life pretty transient. Especially being a single person, I’m able to make choices freely and independently. I try to make decisions based on how I feel and not on a timeline. My body tends to know when it’s time to leave before my mind does. It gets restless and cranky. Then it takes my brain a week or two to catch up. To realize that it is time to move on. Currently I’m at peace here in Seattle. I feel safe in my new apartment. I’m meeting new people. I’m even adding more onto my adventure to-do list. Yet I still was unsure! I just didn’t have anything yet to keep me here. I also didn’t have anything to say goodbye to yet. Maybe in that simple thought I had made my decision. In each city I live in, I want to leave a part of my heart there. Through travel and sobriety, I have discovered the depth of my love and how far it can stretch. I want to fall in love with each city. Collect more friends to be part of this new second family I’m creating. I want my goodbye to a city to be slightly difficult. I want to feel a goodbye and not simply leave. I want to look back as I go and smile, knowing that I will probably be back someday.

… so I said yes to staying 

Be a tour guide in your new city

Hello fellow wanders! I am writing this post after a long weekend with my bestie. My body is very tired from adventuring, but my soul is happy. There is nothing more healing than quality time with the people you love. It is rare to find when you move to a new city, especially before you have established your community. My love language is quality time which made this weekend even more special and needed. Treasure it when it comes! 

Ask a bestie to come visit when you’ve been settled for a month or so. Maybe just ask your mom. Really, anyone works. It helps to have someone excited to see your new city because it renews your motivation to explore. After a month of being by yourself, you can be tired of trying. A visitor gives you reason to put the effort back into adventuring. Play a horrible tour guide for them. They don’t expect you to know the streets or any of the good restaurants yet. Show the new places you have recently found and try out new things! Take that day trip out of the city you thought was too long of a drive. You have a temporary buddy for the weekend! Take advantage of it! Maybe you’ll convince them to quit their job and come travel with you! Who knows? Possibilities are endless and crazier things have happened. 

Fellow wandering souls, keep your head up. Good things will come your way :)