My heart is safe in Massachusetts

Hello my lovely souls.

I hope you don’t feel like you’re wandering aimlessly. There is always a lesson within the journey, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I wrote this poem (see below) the first time homesickness really hit me hard. I reread it to myself when the feeling comes back to visit. It reminds me that there was a reason behind my choice to leave. I wanted to grow and to see a bit more of world. Massachusetts may be a small state, but growing up there it felt so large. There seemed like there was no reason to leave until there was one.

The decision to leave home has taught me many lessons and brought a lot of joy to my life. It has taught me that home can have many definitions. I also showed me that I can make friends pretty easily because at the end of the day I’m pretty sure we’re all just looking to connect. I’m sure I can be happy anywhere, but I’m still on the search for the right place. Maybe it’ll even bring me back to Massachusetts. I’m not sure yet.

Travelling has unfortunately made me a long distance daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. This means I frequently wake to 4AM text messages knowing that I have already missed some of their day because of the time difference. I tell them to text me anyways.

It means that I watch my nieces and nephew grow up in pictures and via FaceTime. It also results in random bursts of tears when homesickness hits the heart too hard. Especially when they look bigger than the last picture sent. The little ones just refuse to stop growing.

This is the trade off of travel. I get to see and experience many new places and opportunities, but I miss the small moments at home with the family.

During one of my recent visits home, my mom told me that I was more present than I had been in a long time. Maybe it’s sobriety. Maybe I needed to step away to really show up. I plan to be the best version of myself. I know I’ll find her through travel and adventure. Even though I get sad and miss home, I know I’m on the right path. It’s OKAY to be homesick and question if you’re doing the right thing. I know I do occasionally. The thing that helps me the most is knowing that while I’m away, my heart is safe in Massachusetts

Massachusetts 

I left my heart in Massachusetts

Placed her in the old hope chest my mother keeps at the end of her bed

It’s the home to all the fragile heirlooms

She is locked up airtight

Hidden in the dark

There will be no damage nor tears 

while she is safe

If you look upon her 

You will see the scars others have created while trying to tame the beating beast

She is locked away for safekeeping

Knowing the wreckage came from my allowance

I left my heart in Massachusetts

Her guardians treat her as a treasure

As others have broken in and stolen the gold

She has been mistreated

Trapped within the sweet simplicity of what she knew

I stored her away

All while knocking down the door to let my soul escape

To run into all the possibilities and what ifs

I let my soul guide my feet but it has no sense of direction

The stops we make only add to the aimlessness 

The desire for more

It's a lonely journey when you realize the choices are more than use to be imaginable

My soul is a force that needs no guidance

It dances to the beat of the unheard music

It cares for no other opinion

It seeks happiness when my heart struggled to beat under the pressure of expectations 

She remained behind to recover

To keep a part of me grounded

To remind me of the path back home

I left my heart in Massachusetts

My loved ones watch over her as they have done for all my years

They add pieces of themselves and their new families 

They strengthen the walls and chambers

Filling it with memories and laughter

Knowing that while my soul wanders it also craves their other half

I will return to renewed power and endless love when my heart and souls become one again

Until then my soul will continue to be careless and free

Knowing that my heart is safe in Massachusetts